Over 12 seasons, Storage Wars has proved to be one of the most strangely fascinating shows on reality TV.
On paper, it doesn’t look like it should work. A bunch of weirdos go hunting for treasures in the remains of old storage units? Uh, yeah, pass!
In actuality, it’s a hilarious and engrossing look into what Americans collect. It’s a real-time exploration of one man’s trash becoming another man’s treasure. And oh, what treasures they are!
Amidst the usual clothes, household items, and occasional jewels, there have been some truly crazy things our intrepid auction hunters have found in these units. We’ve rounded up eight of them for your perusal below.
Keep reading to relive the craziest moments in Storage Wars history.
Crazy and Terrifying Storage Wars Finds: 8 of the Best
It was hard to narrow our list down to just eight finds, but we did it. From all the Storage Wars we’ve watched, we’ve learned never to underestimate the weird things people refuse to throw away.
If you’re a similar packrat, get more info to find out whether you can use your own storage area. You never know what you might be able to put in there, but we can almost guarantee it won’t be as out-there as any of the things below that were found on the show.
1. A Swarm of Bees
The guys on the show love to puff out their chests and act like big, strong men. Nothing challenged this image of them as quickly as finding a beehive. The gents scattered as quickly as you can say, “honey.”
Lori was quick to capitalize on the find, though. She bid on not just the beekeeping equipment but the bees themselves. I guess you never know when you might need an army of bees to get some work done for you!
2. Whale Poop
This was truly an absurd find. We’ll not go into detail describing the look of these logs, but suffice it to say, they brought literal meaning to the word “crap” that gets applied to many of the finds in these storage units.
As if seeing the whale dung weren’t disgusting enough, we also got to watch whale poop “experts” test its melting point by sticking a hot needle into it. What purpose does that serve again?
The whale poop find was enough to make us want to clean ourselves and every inch of our houses ASAP.
3. A Piggy Bank Shaped like a Gorilla
Animals are a running theme throughout this list, but this animal wasn’t even alive. In fact, it never was.
Our minds are still blown by this item because of the cognitive dissonance involved with a piggy bank that’s actually a gorilla. Doesn’t that just make it a gorilla bank?
The gorilla was also eating a banana, and that further complicates the pig problem. We know pigs aren’t picky eaters, but we’ve never seen one eat a banana.
4. An Engraved Hard Hat
Fancy jewelry isn’t just for kings and queens. It’s for regular people too, or so we learned when the cast found a hard hat that was covered in metal and engraved with decorations.
This was such a hard thing for everyone to wrap their heads around, puns absolutely intended, that initially they thought it was a bowl. In the end, it sold quite well! Who knew such a thing existed, much less that there was a market for it?
5. Samurai Swords
These items run dangerously close to the mundane when it comes to Storage Wars. There were oddities in every episode, and some old weapons barely qualify as unique among them.
We made an exception for the samurai swords for one reason. These swords were professionally sharpened, and we love that this show expanded our minds yet again by letting us know “professional samurai sword sharpener” is a real job.
That job is still no match for “whale poop expert” in terms of weirdness, but we’re glad to know about both jobs. Thank you, Storage Wars.
6. Albino Pythons
These are the last animals to make our list, and they are right up there with the creepiest. Why? Because they were alive!
The gang found several giant, slowly moving albino pythons in transparent boxes, and the fact that they survived in there for months is as shudder-inducing as it is unsurprising.
7. A Locked Coffin
I guess it’s better than an unlocked coffin?
This find was especially unsettling because it was the only item in the entire unit. Otherwise, it was completely empty.
The coffin itself wasn’t empty, but fortunately, there was nobody inside. There was an empty suit and an empty turn, though, which is enough to make us believe in either the rapture or spontaneous combustion.
8. A Burglar
Okay, we’re cheating. This one wasn’t on Storage Wars, but it’s too crazy not to include.
In 2011, a security guard at a storage facility in St. Joseph, Missouri saw an open door. The guard attempted to open the door but couldn’t. Instead, he shut it.
Later, someone was trying to escape the very same locker. That someone was Ronald R. Dennis, a burglar attempting to perform his own illegal version of Storage Wars on an unsuspecting locker owner’s goods.
The security guard called the police when he heard Dennis trying to escape. It’s a good thing because otherwise, Dennis would have matched that coffin a little too well.
Gross, Weird Fun
Storage Wars is nothing if not entertaining, and we hope you’ve found this list of some of the craziest finds on the show equally entertaining. We hope it hasn’t gone so far as to make you avoid storage units altogether. When put to everyday use, they can be quite helpful!
If you’d like to return to a bit of normalcy, check out our other house and home musings.