With more than 800,000 divorces happening every year, you’re not alone when you’re going through a split. This might not reassure you, but it should clue you into the fact that there is such a thing as life after divorce. In order to find yourself and reignite your inspiration, you need to remember who you are.
Here are a few tips to ensure that you get back to finding yourself after divorce.
1. Make Time For Yourself
Every day that you wake up after a divorce can be a roll of the dice. Some days you’ll feel like you’re grieving a death while others will be filled with relief. As many people have said before, zero percent of good marriages end in divorce.
However, that’s not easy to remember every minute of the day.
Some people choose to dive into work and keep themselves busy to avoid feeling stress after a divorce. If you have a family and kids to worry about, you need to be the best parent you can be for them. Make sure that you’re always making time for them, even when you feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
Don’t forget that when you’re stressed out, you need to take some time to recenter yourself. This can come through simple actions like taking a walk around the block or going for a tea or coffee at your favorite cafe. Allow yourself this time, without caveats, to feel however you need to feel.
When you come back to your family, you’ll be able to give them the kind of love that you all deserve to share in.
2. Letting Go Is The Key
When you hold on to regrets, bitterness, and anger, you build up tension in your mind and body. It can be paralyzing psychologically and physically. When you’re stuck thinking about “what ifs”, you’re avoiding the reality of where you are.
Thinking about what might have been or what you could have changed won’t get you anywhere. There will be a natural amount of thinking about the recent past, but there’s no going back and you need to be honest about that.
It’s easy to get into a cyclical pattern of regret. One negative thought can beget another and then another until you’re only thinking about what you did wrong with your life. That’s no way to move forward and enjoy your life.
When you get into a cycle of anger, you can make bad decisions and even end up in debt.
In order to get to the next part of your life, you need to be honest about your feelings and be ready to learn from the past. If you made a mistake, admit it to yourself and then get ready to open up the next chapter.
While it can be hard to let things go when they hurt you so deeply, it’s your most important task.
3. Find The Funny Things in Life
Going through divorce proceedings, spending hours on the phone with a lawyer, or sitting in court is a terrible feeling. However, as human beings, we know the value of finding comedy even in tragic times. There are funny things that happen and things that we can look back on with a much lighter heart than when we encounter them.
When you’re going through a divorce, you have a new set of responsibilities. If you’re now a single parent or are tasked with filling your kids’ time when they’re with you, that’s a new challenge. IF you do that with a heavy heart, you’re going to bring everyone down.
If up to you to live in the moment and make things fun. All of the most lovely moments in life are the ones that happen when you’re caught up by life. Memories can be nice but nothing tastes as sweet as a fresh and exciting moment.
When you check out of the present moment, a divorce can attract you to stress like a magnet.
Look around you and find joy in the success and happiness of friends. See what’s going on with people who you care about. Check in with them because, in all likelihood, you’ve been spending a lot of your time dealing with your divorce.
4. Remember What Makes You Happy
Following a divorce, it’s hard to remember times when you were happy and carefree. It’s not that you forgot how to be happy, but that you’ve gotten disconnected from those things that you rely on for happiness. Reconnect with your purpose and you’ll find yourself back on the path to being yourself again.
Finding your purpose is a big issue for a lot of people. When your heart is full of doubt and regret, it can cloud your judgment. When you used to get out of bed in the morning, you had a drive, things that motivated you, and a reason to try harder than the day before.
Without that drive, you’ll be without your compass and could get lost in your own negative thoughts.
Floating through life can open you up to doubt and negativity. You need to take control and pursue what used to bring you joy in life. Go as far back as you need to in order to find your way back.
Some people will watch movies that they used to enjoy when they were younger or in high school. Others will seek to reconnect with art and music that used to give them joy before. If you have a creative spirit, try to make something new and allow yourself to experiment.
Instead of handling everything yourself, leave your problems in the hands of the Verhaeghe Law Office.
Finding Yourself After Divorce is a Challenge
When you’re finding yourself after divorce, use your friends and loved ones as a barometer. Make a plan to do activities with them rather than just meet up at a home or out for a drink. Find something exciting and distracting that will take your mind off of things.
If you’re thinking of pursuing a side-job for extra money or to fill time, check out our guide to finding one.