Are you worried that your marriage is heading down a dark path?
Let’s be honest, marriage isn’t always easy. This is especially the case when you add children, financial stress and the ongoings on everyday life into the mix.
These days, it is noted that 42-45 percent of first marriages end in divorce. This number is even higher for second and third marriages. But, don’t let the statistics intimidate you.
If you feel that you might be in a failing marriage but not yet ready to consider divorce, rest assured that there are steps you can take to better your relationship.
For those feeling stressed about the state of their marriage, you’ve come to the right place. Before parting ways, it’s best knowing that you did everything that you could to make it better.
We’re uncovering the five most simple steps couples can take to better a failing relationship.
1. Be Honest About Your Issues
First and foremost, you need to face the issues in your relationship head-on.
Better yet, make a list of your most pressing issues. Take turns calmy discussing how each partner believes these issues are best solved.
Of course, this isn’t meant to be a magical experience that solves all problems indefinitely. Instead, it’s an experience that is meant to provide each partner with an understanding of how their partner views the issue. This helps to share the perspectives as to how each person believes the issues can be handled and then solved.
Sometimes understanding that yourself and your partner view the issues the same can be transformative. It also provides for a calm environment in which partners are really taking the time to listen to and understand one another.
2. Readjust Your Expectations
In order to really get to the root of your issues, you may have to fix yourself first.
While it’s simple to assume that all issues and disagreements revolve around a partner’s shortcomings, remember that it takes two to fight. At some point, we may need to accept that our partners are not willing or able to change.
Coming to this realization can be a very peaceful and transformative moment for many individuals. From here, consider ways that you can adjust yourself to better deal with and accept their lack of change.
Sure, it might sound unfair and feel that you are giving up. But, consider that they are likely doing the same for you in other avenues of your relationship. When it comes to a marriage, sometimes you have to give.
3. Put the Phone Down
It’s safe to say that relationships in the 21st century are very different from those of even a decade ago. With the presence of the smartphone, connections between couples are taking a back seat to what’s on their phone screen.
In a digital world full of noise, couples need to make an effort to resist the urge to plug into technology during together time.
Motivate one another to spend less time plugged into your phone. Spending excess time on your phone in the presence of your partner gives off the impression that you are more interested in what is on your screen than what they have to say.
How do we combat this?
That’s right, this means putting the phone down when you discuss one another’s day or curl up on the couch. Instead of scrolling your feed, listen to your partner and take interest in what they are saying.
This also happens to work as a reciprocal act. Once your partner is able to see that you are active and really listening to them, they will naturally feel more obliged to do the same.
Try making a rule to not look at your phones between the hours of 9 pm and 9 am. Let’s disconnect digitally so that we can, once again, reconnect personally.
4. Understand One Another’s Sexual Needs
Did you know that 15-20% of Americans report being in a sexless marriage?
While being intimate with your partner is important, it’s not always about how often married couples are having sex.
Instead, it’s about being honest with one another about your needs and your sexual expectations. While some couples may have sex once a week and others once a month, couples should not always focus on the number.
It’s more important to focus on establishing a pattern that works for both partners. The real question should be addressing what each partner’s sexual needs and desires are and finding the right way to meet in the middle.
Sure, this may involve some negotiation and the pulling of a few strings, but it’s important to understand what each partner desires sexually. If the difference is too significant, you may want to speak with a therapist to understand how you can better meet in the middle.
5. Cut the Negative Talk
You know those cuts, jabs, criticisms and snide remarks that we make to our partners on occasion?
Well, as it turns out, these jabs that inflict on our partner are anything but harmless. These instances of unnecessary jabs that we take on our partner begin to add up and slowly begin to take a toll.
Even a simple remark can be the result of a negative and uneasy environment.
Do yourself and your marriage a favor and cut the snide remarks. While it may sound easier said than done, it’s a very possible change that can be done when we program ourselves to limit these exchanges.
Such a simple task has the ability to minimize negative energy and encourage a more calm and peaceful relationship overall.
How to Combat a Failing Marriage
If there’s one thing married couples can agree on, it’s that bad times and rough patches and almost impossible to avoid.
There’s no denying that life gets stressful and most people take their stress and frustrations out on their partner. Because of this, partners may feel as though they are no longer on the same team and are actually against one another.
Before heading straight for divorce, you’re going to want to ensure that you did everything possible to better the relationship. From readjusting the expectations of your partner to cutting down on snide remarks, there are simple ways to help save a failing marriage.
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